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SUMMER is approaching, and with it music festivals booking legacy acts for lazy nostalgia draws. These acts will stretch out their 15 minutes of fame for an excruciating 40. AN office worker is struggling to remember how to look busy while accomplishing nothing after four days of total leisure. THE world is mourning Po
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News
Starmer: 'My father made one supreme tool. It is I"
1+ week, 3+ day ago (375+ words) KEIR Starmer has resigned from Parliament after realising his toolmaker father spent his childhood crafting one perfect tool, and that he is it. The former prime minister, thought to be the first to lose office simply because everyone despised him,…...
Burnham gives Ukraine blueprints for bus harmonisation
2+ week, 5+ day ago (191+ words) HARRY and Meghan are thought to be reeling in shock after their whole return to Britain was shattered by a picture of beautiful Kate smiling delightedly. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are rethinking their entire plan to ingratiate themselves…...
Harry to try to return to royal life as if nothing happened
3+ week, 2+ day ago (198+ words) THE Duke of Sussex is going to try and waltz back into the Royal family by pretending the last six years did not happen. Aware that his return to the UK will be shrouded in scandal, Harry has decided to…...
Sussexes to handle unpopularity with British public by never, ever meeting them
3+ week, 2+ day ago (381+ words) ONE of President Trump’s personal staff who, nobody likes to think about it but it’s possible, may be having sex with him has come to prominence. Who is Natalie Harp? Surely not his lover The mind recoils and reaches for…...
Homeless people are untidy, Britain reluctantly agrees
3+ week, 3+ day ago (447+ words) DESPITE the UK’s natural unwillingness to help the unfortunate, Burnham’s plan to end rough sleeping has won support because they are rather scruffy. Britons have agreed that much as they are against kindness on principle, if it makes their town…...
Burnham: I only sexted White House hoaxer
3+ week, 4+ day ago (323+ words) By Richard Tice, Reform shadow minister for not being Farage and MP of somewhere urgh WHY the hysteria? Climate change can’t be fought. Instead, follow these simple rules and you’ll find yourself savouring the wildfires in your neighbourhood. Choose a…...
The Archbishop of Canterbury on… Burnham, not afraid to stand up to Big Disposable Barbecue
4+ week, 1+ day ago (637+ words) WAKING with a hangover that has left me so parched my body has declared an official water shortage and a hosepipe ban, I look over my typically busy schedule. Today I have numerous face-to-face meetings, and I am hoping they…...
Where your extra money will go, by Britain's water companies
4+ week, 1+ day ago (620+ words) WATER bills are going up, and consumers have every right to ask where their money is going. Let us break it down: 32p of every pound your bill increases by goes straight where it’s needed most – the offshore bank accounts of…...